


a lonely heaven

by phtaejun



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Choi Beomgyu-Centric, High School, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jealous Choi Beomgyu, M/M, Minor Choi Yeonjun/Kang Taehyun, Oblivious Kang Taehyun, Sad Choi Beomgyu, Student Kang Taehyun, Unrequited Love, Whipped Choi Beomgyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26249635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phtaejun/pseuds/phtaejun
Summary: “ this is my lonely heaven . . . painful, yet affectionate ”In which Beomgyu acknowledges his unrequited love for a boy he know will never feel the same way.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Kudos: 31





	a lonely heaven

As students eagerly weaved out of the classroom, Beomgyu simply took his time and gradually packed away his books, folders and stationery at an easy pace, still seated behind his wooden desk. The black haired boy was usually one of the last ones to exit as the school day came to an end, but it wasn’t because he was slow or lazy. In fact, it was because of someone, who so happened to be one of the last ones to exit, too.

Keeping his head low, Beomgyu’s dark eyes were glued to the redhead directly in front of him. He watched him wearily heave his folders into his bag, bringing a hand up and drawing his slim fingers through that sleek, fiery red hair of his, pushing it backwards so that part of his bare forehead was showcased.

There was something different in the boy’s attitude - Beomgyu could tell. His plush lips painted a pale pink were in a straight line and his eyelids were drooping, a screen of melancholy hiding what used to be his bright, honey eyes.

As a sigh was released, the urge to ask him what was wrong began growing stronger. Beomgyu wanted to help the teenager from whatever he was battling - whether that was physically or mentally. But, he knew he couldn’t. His desire to get close to him was unbelievably large, however, he wasn’t stupid. He was already in such a dangerous state, considering the state of his feelings, so Beomgyu had resorted to staying away.

Even so, he still couldn’t let himself go from the other.

When the junior was about to leave the classroom, slinging his hefty school bag over his shoulders, Beomgyu slightly lifted his head up while his gaze burned into the younger’s head.

“You seem more tired than usual,” he quietly whispered, fiddling with a pen underneath his desk.

But, the junior didn’t hear him voice his concerns and simply walked out of the classroom, leaving the black haired boy all by himself. That wasn’t the first time a similar incident occurred. Really, it happened everyday. Too scared to strike up a conversation, Beomgyu was left to inaudibly ask questions behind his back.

Although they were in the same class, he felt so far away. It was as if they lived in two separate worlds with an invisible line drawn in between them. The two had never spoken to each other in all their years of attending the same high school, which left Beomgyu to wordlessly admire the other from afar.

_Maybe I'm bothering you by just looking at you?_

Not wanting to dwell too much, he lifted himself out of his chair and exited the classroom, slipping his bag straps over his shoulders. The sound of dense raindrops pattering against the roof instinctively made Beomgyu haul out his white, folding umbrella. Unwrapping the waterproof device, he pushed open the glass exit doors of the building and pulled open the umbrella, holding it above his head. The rain, astonishingly heavy, didn’t seem like stopping anytime soon, creating a low cloud of fog.

Once Beomgyu stepped out from under the shelter and into the downpour, he felt the weight of raindrops hit the surface of the umbrella, producing a loud plop sound. Wanting to escape the rain as soon as possible, he hurriedly made his way towards the bus stop, grasping the straps of his bag. As the silhouette of the transit vehicle station came into view, Beomgyu quickened his pace and his steady jog swiftly turned into a desperate run.

The moment he reached the stop, he sighed with relief knowing that he could take cover, since there was only one other student.

One of which he longed to get close to.

That blazing, red hair amazingly stood out in such horrible weather, it was a beacon that attracted Beomgyu - like a moth aimlessly flying towards the light at night. Simply thinking about the redhead made his heart beat faster, but actually seeing him made him extremely anxious. Beomgyu didn’t have any experience in romance, so he didn’t know when to pounce and ended up just not telling him how he truly felt. But, it wasn’t because he was a coward or anything.

It was because he was afraid of heartbreak.

Due to that fear of getting his heart broken, he couldn’t tell the other to notice his feelings. It was the worst “win or lose” situation, and he wasn’t taking any chances.

Standing at a respectable distance, Beomgyu kept himself busy by scrolling through his phone, his damp umbrella now wrapped up with the strap slung across his wrist. Occasionally, he glanced at the boy, admiring his natural appearance from afar, then proceeding to force himself to look away and focus on something else. But, he couldn’t blame himself. He’d never seen someone so pretty, he couldn’t help it.

Eventually, he gave up and pocketed his phone, deciding to silently study him instead. Standing on the opposite side of the bus stop, his head was fully up, eyes alert, tapping his foot rather patiently on the wet pavement. A moist grey umbrella was rested against the inner walls of the bus stop, tiny droplets falling onto the slippery concrete.

 _If he waiting for someone? But who?_ Beomgyu wondered and continued to analyse his stance, hands now slipped in his blazer pockets.

That’s when he realised that it was the perfect time.

It was just the two of them; standing underneath the shelter, metres apart from each other. With more than ten minutes before the next transit vehicle arrived, Beomgyu had more than enough time to converse with him. It was like the universe had planned it - everything was perfect.

Beomgyu’s heartbeat increased at the thought of actually talking to his love for the first time.

All of a sudden, the boy’s big eyes lit up and he started waving excitedly. Beomgyu followed his gaze and saw a student who attended the same high school across the street, a black umbrella covering the upper half of their body. Once they saw the redhead, the student coolly crossed the road, left hand in his pants pocket, and lifted the inky umbrella, giving Beomgyu a full view of their facial features.

The student looked like a senior, a few years older than Beomgyu himself, and sported this vibrant, blonde hair, which was styled upwards at his middle part, displaying his bare forehead. His dark eyes were sharp at the ends and created a piercing gaze, one that could cut right through anyone who stood in his way. However, despite his menacing demeanour, he seemed to be surrounded by a somewhat tenderhearted aura.

The redhead’s smile grew as the blonde got closer until they were just feet apart, exchanging strings of words Beomgyu couldn’t catch. As he examined the duo, he felt something change. That sadness inside of him enlarged, curiosity poking at him at the same time.

 _Is he from our class?_ he thought and helplessly watched the pair. _Or maybe the class next door?_

_I want to know, but it hurts._

Just seeing the two together made Beomgyu feel… out of place. He desperately wanted the redhead to show some sort of affection towards him, even if it was a simple greeting or acknowledging his presence for once. It hurt him, seeing the way he stepped out of his box and allowed himself to relax in front of a random senior.

It was the one thing Beomgyu wanted to experience.

The redhead reached for the grey umbrella beside him, opened it up and began to walk alongside the blonde, his left arm wrapped around the elder’s right. That small, but powerful gesture made Beomgyu flinch in pain, his gaze lowering to the ground. That was the definition of his life, and he hated it. The fear of grief and anguish was always lingering in his mind, restricting him from doing anything that could bring it to life. It was because of that terror, he never dared to cross the invisible line between them; supposedly connecting them from two of their worlds. The unknown possible consequences were heartbreaking.

Despite being so far away from the one he loved, Beomgyu learned to appreciate the fact that he was living at the same time as the other. It was a silly dream, he had, and knew he couldn’t hope for anything more than unrequited love.

_Love if meant to be cried over, right?_

Beomgyu scoffed and kicked the footpath with his shoe, forcing a small smile on his face.

_I'll accept this heartache. I won't seek anything more._

_After all, this is my lonely heaven..._

_painful, yet affectionate._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> this was inspired by the song, "Kodoku na Heaven", sung by Koizumi Hanayo - it's a real bop :D


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